Even though you'd probably see the post posted at like afternoon or something it's actually 1.30 in the morning. My laptop time system preferences thing is really messed up so yeah.

You know, some people say that your mind is most at peace late at night. Actually I'm not really sure myself because on other days when I lie in bed, all the thoughts and images of the day or previous days dance around in my mind, especially when I'm really exhausted. I've read somewhere dreams are to organise your thoughts so that your brain can take in and store information better the next day or something like that.

This must explain why I can't concentrate in school after sleeping late. Note to self, can be used as excuse.

But strangely, now my mind's quite at peace for some reason.

You know, it's funny how a lot of people call me blur so easily like something they do everyday. I mean I don't deny the fact I'm blur but it's not because I choose to be.

A few weeks back I lost my prefect's blazer and left in school over the year-end holidays. Why I'm telling you this I'm not sure go tell Sien Yi if you want :P

I've lost my blazer so many times now about 4-5 times.

People just say this is typical Alvin, blur as normal.

But seriously, I don't really like being viewed stereotypically as blur. As if the meaning of the word blur equals : Alvin. I'm so sick of failing to do something so simple like take care of your blazer, or not lose your pencil/pen/ruler every two weeks or so. Once I even forgot to study the right form for my Science Trials Exam last year and crammed and tried to photocopy the log book into my brain the last few minutes before we went into the hall. Agh.

I don't INTEND to be blur. It's just that the times where I'm not paying attention are the times I'm always thinking of something else, letting my mind wander over things that may sound like a waste of time and daydreaming but I think it's worth thinking about. Other times I'm just in a rush to do a lot of things and end up forgetting something. Sometimes, I just don't know. It just happens. I want to change quite badly. I don't want to be looked down and categorised into being blur and unaware of things. People sometimes don't understand that I don't want to be blur.

Sigh. But maybe it's just a part of me I need to embrace. Maybe I have to do whatever possible with whatever I have, and just go with the flow. I have a good idea that maybe God had made me like this so that I always depend on Him. Whenever I face a load of failures, I always pray that God will accomplish what His plan is for me through all this.

And most of the time He always carries me through, and lifts my burdens which seem too much to bear. I'm a sole believer that all my weaknesses are good because I know I don't need to rely on my strength. I got God's.

because "When I am weak, then I am strong."

Paul the Apostle wrote this and my thoughts echo his.

I've got God. I don't need my own strength.